As we are approaching Mother’s Day for another year, we know it as a time of acknowledgment, celebration and appreciation for the person who nurtured us from our birth into childhood and adolescence, even through adulthood.
We all know the persona of the ideal mother, one who is patient, who’s supreme value is the fortress of her family. These values are known to all of us, as Mother’s Day is an emotional time of the year.
While all these sentiments hold true, during Mother’s Day it is easy to be caught up in the occasion where sometimes, we seldom realise exceptions to the rule. We often see the connected image of a family, yet they are not always united for various reasons. We know of the bond of a mother with her children, where not always do they stay together. We appreciate the ever presence of a mother bestowing to her duty, who suddenly wondered absent.
As we all know the emotions that Mother’s Day holds for most, for some it can be a traumatic experience.
It is during Mother's Day, and other events particularly Christmas, when our circumstances don’t meet the norm, where we are constantly reminded of our shortcomings which transforms us into virtual time machines.
As when our emotions are kindled it sets off a cerebral fire that reminds us of the past and ruminates about the future. As much as we try to stay in the present, it is during events like Mother’s Day we are forced to look back into the past. When this occurs, these thoughts are highly emotive and can lead us onto a trail of maladaptive thinking detrimental for our mental health.
In everyday life, we all have an expectation that we live normal lives and experience the same feelings. We believe we should all be raised under the guidance of our mothers and dually celebrate Mother’s Day and would never feel uncomfortable or become subject to later trauma. For those who would not be celebrating Mother’s Day would be asked by others what they did, where we feel so much pressure to say that are we are in fact “normal”, that our lives characterize what is expected of “normal” activity; so, we become appealing to others. As when each year Mother’s Day arrives on our calendar, we can remind ourselves that these events are not happy for all of us. So, when this time comes each year, there are many who may prefer to bury themselves till the day ends. As to be seen as “normal” can at times be difficult, they would also feel left out as they also know that to be “normal” is part of being human.
If you’re feeling isolated this Mother’s Day, what can you do?
While acknowledging to be “normal” is a reality of life, we can detach the emotional stigmatism associated with it. Once we remove the “shoulds” and consider the “coulds” in life, does not mean we suppress our feelings, it just means we emotionally become released from being over categorized when our experiences don’t turn out as expected. This can provide some comfort that we are not alone, and we can take solace in all our experiences; good and bad. If you know someone who could use some company, even though there is nothing that can replace their own family, being among the company of others can provide some immediate relief.
Sometimes to understand companionship, we need to consider its opposite, isolation. Those who would be alone on Mother’s Day would feel shame, others tainted with guilt; perhaps both. As these feelings are highly emotional, they can easily spiral into anxiety and can build into despair.
It is at this time we can remember that it is OK to feel this way, and we do not have to force ourselves to be overjoyed just because we are told that we “should” be. For as much we believe we feel isolated that we are not in fact “normal”, it is more common than you think.
John Zavaglia MBA, ACA, is the therapist & founder of Mind Life offering services in Mental Health counselling focusing on anxiety, depression, grief & addiction.
As an experienced Toastmaster, John also provides services to treat public speaking & social phobias. Mind Life Is an accredited mental health services provider under the guidance of the Australian Counselling Association. (ACA)
If you feel you need to reach out for some help, make the call to “Untangle your Mind”, see details below.
Seek@mindlife.com.au
Or call 0426 737 148
